marriage!!!

ystrday i just got 2 invitation 4 2 wedding in this coming month.
i said to a fren of mine, damn!!!!! so many of our colleague r getting marry while i'm still
hasn't got any girlfren.my fren said to me back well join the club.luckily there's 2 other of my closest fren which is in the same position.
but it made me thinking about my own life.what i really wanna do with it.
actually i do know what to do. but hearing n seeing most of my fren already married or getting marry make me terbalik lerr.presssure lerr, why? they have already living my dreams where else i'm not.it is every man dreams to have a good job, find a nice woman n settle down.
a good job can easily b found but a nice woman which can satisfied ur heart is very hard to find.
watching most of my fren now have a wife or a gurlfren, they make it look so easy to b done.
the reality it is hard to do.
my problem right now is that i really wanna find a woman that i can call my bini.not awek.why when u call a woman ur bini it shows that u really wanna marry this gurl.this gurl is the 1 for u.ur future wife.
it is hard 2 b alone, with no one to share ur feelings.loneliness...........damn it is sucks.
u can try so many things to get over it. just like i did.i do drugs......hehehehehe only marijuana.i did drinks except for beer(i hate it)........i prefer liquor.it helps just for temporary.then the loneliness came again,so the circles start again.
finally i manage to quit those things except 4 the marijuana which i still smoke it but kadang² jer.
i realized those thing only helps me for a moment not even getting over it.
that's why i can really feel i mean really dig akon's song lonely except that i don't have any girlfren.
hehehehe loneliness can definitely kill u from the inside.it kills u painfully n very slowly.u wish u were dead along time ago.
afraid................